As Emily (A.K.A. Boo Radley) is catching up with all of the messes I’ve made, I decided I should start working on the Blogg.
It all started earlier this year when my brother, Jeff, called and invited my family to the Ripplinger family cabin in Driggs, Idaho. At the time, all I knew was Driggs is located somewhere in Idaho (I thought it was near Boise). When I found out it was near Rexburg, home of the infamous BYU Idaho (gasp! that’s a swear in our house hold).
This discovery caused a slight tear in my space-time continuum. When I thought cats and dogs would be living together, my wise and intelligent wife informed me that Driggs was closer to the Teton Mountain Range than Rexburg…oh happy day!!! All was well in the world, cats and dogs will still hate each other. This gave me so much joy I nearly cried.
When D-Day came, on the heels of the girls birthdays, I was so excited to go fishing, hiking, and lounging with my girls…and family too. When we arrived at the cabin Ellie saw the large Moose head above the entrance and had a slight freak-out. After I was able to pry her finder nails from my neck Jeff and I were able to convince her that the Moose was just a “toy,” named Mortimer. A slight stretch of the truth, but we convinced Ellie that the Moose was a friend. Ginny on the other hand, wanted to play with the Moose. I sometimes caught her trying to climb up to the Moose to play.
The next day was a day never to be forgotten…unfortunately, I had an incident with a microwave and the metal plate in my head. When the microwave was turned on, I wet myself and forgot who I was for an hour (or I just spent an intense day going all over the place, travelling not my strong suit). As part of the fallout from that incident, I’ve lost my memory of most of that day. All I can recall is there was something involving an old time family portrait, a Chuck Wagon dinner, pictures of the east face of the Tetons, and a place called Jackson, Wyoming.
With Jackson out of the way I was able to start fulfilling my Griswold family vacation aspirations (see National Lampoon’s Vacation movies for further insight) and take Ellie fishing for the first time on the Teton River the next morning. As the good and humble parent I am, I didn’t prepare Ellie for this fishing trip at all, thinking that she could handle anything I throw at her…including a capsized canoe. The fishing trip started out according to plan with me, Ellie, and Mike (my brother-in-law) all in the canoe, with Ellie between Mike and I. In my over-zealous state of mind we charged down the river without thinking of the others in the larger, less capsizeable, fishing boat.
As we rounded a bend in the river I looked back to see if the other boat was coming…it wasn’t. That was unexpected, but no worries…me David, me outdoorsman, me can handle anything on river. Well, not really.
While looking back for the other boat I felt the canoe violently tip to one side. As a seasoned Boy Scout with two (I think) merit badges on my sash, I knew instantly I was going into the water. With the panic that any parent worth their salt would have, I struggled to get into a position to get Ellie. By the time I actually had my head above water Mike had the canoe upright and was at Ellie’s side.
As Mike swam down river to get the equipment which went overboard, I pushed the canoe to the shore, muttering words that would make a sailor blush (I’m still surprised Ellie hasn’t told Mommy what Daddy said on the river). As I was worrying about Ellie and the cold, I saw the other boat come around the bend. A sharp, but brief, exchange occurred between Jeff and me about the recent events and how he couldn’t get the motor started on the bigger boat. Around that time my inner monolog told me, Emily should know about this so we can get help. I reached for my cell phone and it was gone.
In retrospect, I was an idiot for taking my cell with me on the canoe, especially without any water proofing, but prior to setting out on this little adventure I was assured “you can’t tip the canoe, it’s too hard, you’ll be fine Dave.” Taking that advice to heart, I thought everything would be OK, and my cell would be safe, but alas, it is now sleeping with the fishes, literally (If anyone reading this finds a Black Jack II at the bottom of the Teton River near Driggs, call me, just not on my cell phone!).
When the larger boat finally made it to me my temper had abated and I just wanted to get Ellie out of there. My mom took Ellie and “loved her” by wrapping Bug in her jacket for the remainder of the float down the river. Being only a quarter mile from the boat launch I volunteered to paddle up river, get a car, and meet everyone at the next landing (about 3 miles downriver). As mister outdoorsman I took to the river with authority. Paddling left then right and right then left, until I couldn’t feel my muscles, about ten minutes later. After an ordeal lasting 3 hours I was nothing more than a heap of sore muscle and joint tissue. While floating down the river I have often wondered what some of the locals thought as they saw this moron city slicker struggling to make it up river…the looks I got were priceless.
When I finally made it to the launch I was soaked and tired, but with a mission still to complete I forged ahead. Getting into my Parent’s 2008 GMC Acadia I sped down the road to the landing. When I hit about a 100 mph I noticed my car coming the other way. I slammed on the brakes and in a cloud of burnt rubber I was face to face with Lindsay, who stayed at the cabin and received a call from Jeff on the river. With a slight tear in my eye I traded Lindsay vehicles and took my car back to the cabin. I honestly can’t remember much about the rest of the day other than playing Phase Ten with my siblings and hanging my mother’s bra on the Mortimer the Moose, a perfect way to end a crazy day.
All in all, the trip was a blast. We have fallen in love with the Driggs area. Hopefully we will hit the lottery jackpot and will purchase a cabin in the area…someday, if I could cheat on the lottery (hum…). I was privy to seeing one of the most beautiful places on earth. I can’t wait until we can make it there again. Maybe I’ll find my cell phone. We do have pictures and we’ll be posting them when we get the chance.
-Dave
P.S. Seriously, if there is anyone that finds my phone at the bottom of the Teton River near Driggs call me.
3 comments:
Where is the slow screaming EEEEEELLLLLIIIIIEEEEEE in this story? We are just glad that she was okay and not too stressed from the ordeal!
We're glad you enjoyed yourself despite my reassuring you that "I've never heard of anyone tipping this canoe, unless it was on purpose!" It was a blast!
Oh man, I am so sorry about your cell phone. I am glad though that the more important cargo was ok and not too traumatized by getting dumped in the river by her father!
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